In the stillness of the early hours of Tuesday 28 October, with Dad fitfully sleeping next to her and wrapping a loving arm around her; family and friends in the southern hemisphere holding her close to their hearts as they also slept; and family and friends elsewhere in the world praying for our family, I sat with our mother, wife, grandmother, sister, mother-in-law, friend – Margaret (Gretta) – during what I knew would be her final hours in this life.

Mum was in a peaceful coma; her body had closed down but due to a lifetime of keeping fit, her heartbeat was strong. The beauty of that night was a moment in time that I will never forget and that I now share with those closest to me.

A dim light provided some relief from the darkness so I could see mum, and with a local radio station playing suitably soothing music to mum and me through the night, we chatted. They say that hearing is the last sense to leave a dying person. From my recent life experiences with the passing of my father-in-law and with mum in her last hours, I know this to be true.

You see, the only way in which mum could communicate with me during those last hours was via her heartbeat. When she was touched by what I said, her heartbeat slowed and/or softened… and then her heartbeat would return in all its strength. Mum’s heartbeat slowed and softened many times that night as I had the most intimate of conversations with her.

As the first born to mum and dad, for three quarters of my life mum and I were tightly connected. Stuff happens and distance alters relationships; that certainly happened for mum and me in recent years. Notwithstanding, we had a deep understanding of and love for each other. We respected the way in which we were leading our respective lives and the life choices we had made; we were proud of each other.

So those last hours were a completion of this phase of our journey together. The future of our relationship would take a different form. Mum’s spirit and soul would soon soar above me and all others whom she loved.

Having been told on 1 October that there was no more that medical science could do for her, mum asked the Doctor who delivered the heart breaking news: “How is your mother, Doctor? You said she has been unwell”. Mum had weeks left in this life, but she loved and cared for everyone around her, always putting others before herself.

Mum was a deeply Christian woman whose faith had been central to her life, so the word JOY had a special meaning for her. She believed that one should put Jesus and Others before Yourself….. mum lived her life like that. Illness over the last two years had robbed mum of the lifetime of good health and vitality that she had enjoyed. Testimony to the JOY mum lived was the outpouring of love she received from her many friends and family around the world upon hearing of her life changing health challenges from mid 2012.

My daughter Gemma and I arrived in New Zealand from London where we live on Friday 24 October. As we were driving to see mum in her home town of Hamilton at what seemed like break neck speed in the hope that she was still alive, my beautiful and very thoughtful 12 year old asked what for me was the ultimate in unanswerable questions.

“Mummy, why is God being so mean to Nana, when for all of her life, Nana has been so good to God?”

Even with immense pain and suffering, mum wanted to remain living, and she had told those around her while she was still able to speak that she wanted life. However, in the last moments of her life that I shared, I believe I saw and felt mum experience a beautifully dignified peacefulness, calm and acceptance as she passed over.

And while I may never be able to answer Gemma’s question in any way that might satisfy her, what I do believe is that mum’s spirit is now being cradled in the arms of her beloved mother, Daisy ─ our Granny ─ something that mum will find comfort, happiness and peace with.

Mum will watch over us with a loving and caring heart; she will look after those who are special and important to us, and who departed before her. Because that is what mum did…. she lived for caring for others. She lived for JOY – Jesus, Others, Yourself… in that order.

Mum left us in the certain knowledge and security that she will be wrapped in the warmth of her God, the God she had cherished, respected and trusted ─ through good times and bad ─ for all of her life.

Personally, I am taking comfort in that knowledge, and I hope over time Gemma will do so too. I also hope that mum’s certainty over what was on offer for her after this phase in her life will be of comfort to all others who shared her life after the immediate feelings of grief, sadness, anger and loss have subsided a little.

Mum, you are and will always be much loved by many. Rest in Peace, my love.

 

She Is Gone – by David Harkins

You can shed tears that she is gone,
Or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,
Or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her only that she is gone,
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she’s want,
Smile. Open your eyes. Love, and go on.

 

Other articles on What Creates Success in Business and Life:

Success Breeds Success!
Success Secrets of Successful People
Reflect, Smile and Smell the Christmas Lilies!
Success Breeds Success – Tip #1
Adèle in a Nutshell – ‘To Give is to Live’
What’s Stopping You?  FEAR?
Savour the Journey
What’s all this Gratitude ‘stuff’?
The 7 Traits of High Achievers
What’s Your Excuse? No Arms? No Legs?

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